just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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