he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
