did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
