I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
