Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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