Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
