Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
