I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
