Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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