I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
