One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
