My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
