You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
