It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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