Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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