I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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