Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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