are you so shy because you have an std?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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