Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
