i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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