if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
