I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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