I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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