Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the condom got lost in my hair
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That reminds me...we need to get swords
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
