I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize