i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
