its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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