your thong is hanging out like whoa
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
