I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
