I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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