I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
