he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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