she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
