she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
