If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
