she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
