Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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