it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
