it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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