the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Alive.
So much puke
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
