I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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