your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize