I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
