If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
