she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
