dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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