Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize