I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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