I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
