I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
