Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
