I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
