Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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