I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
