I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
