People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
