All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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