Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
