you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
