I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
