went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
