So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
