I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
