I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
