why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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