the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
