He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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