Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
