A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
