Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
