his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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