i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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